From that evening, I began to wait anticipatedly with sunken mind for the time Evaristus father’s thought would come to pass. The thought illustrated with the drawing, that is.
The drawing this time was the picture of a male and female, drawn into each other, and deflecting winds with the whole of their heads. Which meant they were both life’s breath bearers. They were facing opposite ends, which meant they weren’t in agreement. This time, no name was signed beneath it. I knew Evaristus’ father was right after all, because there was no way such two persons with such strong life’s breath could stay together. They would choke themselves with the too much breath they produced.
Each evening before going to bed, I would wish and hope it wasn’t the next day. Because I knew that day would also be the day my life would begin a recline to its old state. A state of cluelessness and boredom.
While I’d expected it to happen, it hadn’t been as soon as it did.
The dreaded moment came on the evening after Evaristus’ mother’s surgery to restore her look. She went ahead with the surgery inspite of the doctors advices and warnings that she might not come out of it alive. That memorable evening that had no breeze blowing and the sky turned grey at a little past midday, she passed on.
That was the last time I saw Evaristus. I had been in the hospital that day. As soon as the news was broken to him, he walked out of the hospital. Although I tried to meet up with him as he was leaving, but he vanished before I could.
I returned to my residence and waited all day and night for him to probably show up at his office, but he never did. Not that day. Or the next. Or ever again.
I eventually lost myself when the next day, I heard his father broke out of the psychiatry. A psychiatry guarded with over five burglary extensions. He too was never found!
It was after this that the guilt of what my family caused them wound itself around me like a chain and refused to fall off. And I bore it silently and gladly. I didn’t know why I had to be the one bearing the burden. But it fell on me, and I didn’t push it off.
For the next forty years that followed, I lived a mechanical life. I deliberately let my life go on that way. It was how I wanted it, and I relished every bit of the bitter moments.
Several Entries Gone…
Dec 31, 1943
I met Evaristus again. At an evening party organized for the elderly in Ulinis. It had been for every aged person living around that country-side, and until I got to the party venue that day, I never knew he organized it.
My good old neighbour Helena had told me about the party. I never knew about it until she did, just like I was oblivious of the happening in that town since the past forty years that I lost myself. Since it’d been a while since I gave myself a good treat, I agreed to go when she persuaded me.
On getting to the venue, I chose to remain outside while Helena went into the banquet hall. I spent the time there taking in the beauty of the place and doffing my cap for whoever owned it No doubt the person had done well for himself.
Darkness had completely taken over the evening, and I was sitting at the fountain when I heard voices behind me. One was too distinct for me to forget who it belonged to; Evaristus!
I didn’t know when his name fell out of my mouth. Though I hadn’t called him so loudly, he’d stopped talking when I did. Except for me and his group, there were no other persons within our vicinity.
I turned when I heard footsteps begin to approach. One of them spoke when they got to me.
‘Ol’lady, why don’t you go join the others inside?’ It was Evaristus.
‘No. Thanks. I’m alright here.’ I responded in a feigned croaky voice, quickly looking away. For a while everywhere seemed quiet until I heard my name.
‘Eletrika!’ I nearly fell into the fountain at the impact of the sound of my name in his mouth. At this moment, he pulled me into his arms and held me so tight that I thought my life would ebb out of me. Without introducing me to his friends or them to me, he led me away immediately to a quiet corner where we spent the evening asking and answering questions about our lives these years while the party went on inside. When I asked him about his family, he only smiled and shook his head.
That evening, when everyone had left, I stayed back. I spent the night at his place that day. He didn’t let me go back home. And for the first time since we knew each other, we slept together on the same bed and something went on between us. We had sex. Funny sex. It was like two walls with hands scrubbing each other and we laughed all through it. We never stayed away from each other again.
1 Oct, 2012
I look up from my diary as the alarm clock on my table begins to ring. 12:00pm. As I get up to go to bed, a glance at my image in the mirror before me tells I haven’t changed a bit from the twenty something years old self I was when I began to write into it.