1st Aug 1900. MONDAY. 11:59pm.
I stand in front of the window of my…is it office, or home, or … I don’t know where it is. But that’s where I stand everyday to watch him. No doubt he’s good looking, with that killer body that could turn a lady in an instant to sleeping beauty in his arms. *quick smile*.
But it isn’t the body that’s attracting him to me. He has something I want. It isn’t physical. It’s embedded deep within that killer body. I don’t actually know what it is, but I know it’s there and is always pulling me to him. That’s why I dread to look in his direction whenever he’s within my reach. But he always is, so I always watch him. Even when I don’t see him, once he gets within my range, he turns on an alarm in my mind that at once makes me turn to his direction. And the moment I set eyes on him, it’s the end of me for the rest of that day, or worse, that week. I’ll just stand there at whatever spot I am, watching him. The moment I try to stop, I’ll fall ill. And then when I recover, I won’t remember him again until I turn in his direction. And this, I can’t help.
I don’t know if he’s blind to know that I’m always watching him because he never notices me. And he’s always busy. Busy with one office equipment or the other. Whenever he isn’t busy with the equipment, he is with himself; smiling, frowning, punching cabinets and chairs. Probably he’s crazy. But I know I’m far more crazier than him.
Just like most days, for the past several hours, I’ve been standing there just watching him. Just watching. Imagine! And yet he goes on with whatever he’s doing as if I don’t exist. I hate how this makes me feel. All of a sudden I walk to my window and bang it. I know my window didn’t make much noise, but my action startled him. He turns, stares for a while and begins to walk towards my window. I stand there and wait for him to walk up to it. Then, I turn away from it and begin to laugh loudly. That’s how I get pacified.
Sorry. I think I told you earlier that I was crazy.